


Is it too soon to do this yet? ('Cause I know that it's delicate)

by transgendergerard



Category: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Bisexual Han Solo, FTM Han Solo, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Pansexual Lando Calrissian, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, make star wars gay you cowards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 17:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14795126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transgendergerard/pseuds/transgendergerard
Summary: Listen, Han really wanted to tell his boyfriend he was trans before they did anything intimate, but some things got in the way of that.





	Is it too soon to do this yet? ('Cause I know that it's delicate)

**Author's Note:**

> Major spoiler for Solo in the first paragraph here if you haven't seen the movie yet. You may want to wait a little bit to read the fic, I don't want to be that person for someone. The italics in quotes is Chewie talking and the other italics are Han's thoughts. Han's background is what I know just from being a fan, I can't say if it's canon or not anymore.
> 
> I feel like my one genre that I write about the most is trans boys coming out to their boyfriends, most of the time right before they do anything sexual. 
> 
> Also, hi! I haven't posted in a while, and that's because life got in the way. I saw Solo a couple of days ago and was really pissed with the Lando + L3 thing going on instead of you know... Lando being with Han so I wrote this fic. Hope you enjoy! My first Star Wars fic bless. Oh oh! I almost forgot to tell you guys, but I came out as a trans boy to my parents last month after I saw Love Simon. They haven't called me by my preferred name or gender yet, but I also haven't been kicked out of the house yet soooo... my coming out experience went as expected. I also started summer college classes today which is really... yikes. 
> 
> Lyrics are from the song Delicate by Taylor Swift which can be found on the album reputation. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr: www.ryanprettyboyross.tumblr.com

It’s been little more than a week since Han won the Falcon, saw Kira for the first time in 3 years, and tried to save her but failed and having to see Beckett die. Han will probably have to spend more than a week to really think about Beckett and everything that has happened since he met him, but for now, Han is doing the last order Bennett gave him. Go to Tatooine. To tell the truth, Han knows very little about the sand planet, but he knows he isn’t the only one who doesn’t. Except for the fact that it’s the home planet of Darth Vader himself, he can’t give a brief synopsis of it. He’ll worry about that later once they’re closer to the planet, but for now, he’s just focusing on flying to where he was told to go to. 

 

Han hasn’t gotten used having the Falcon being his. It is his ship. Not Lando’s. Not anymore. The ship’s team is now just Han and Chewie, even if Lando is still on board. Han laughs at himself thinking how Lando can’t truly leave the Falcon even if it’s not his anymore. And Han guesses that’s mainly his fault. He was the one who had to fall in love with the gambler and couldn’t dare to leave him that easy just because of a ship. Even if it’s the Falcon. 

 

It was easy for him falling in love with Lando, and Han is sure that a lot of people can agree with that statement. A lot of different kind of people. And even droids who have different parts than humans. 

 

_Stop thinking about that. Lando loves you for you, not because of your parts. You aren’t a ship_. 

 

Though some days Han did wished he was a ship more. Depending on the day, and depending on how bad the dysphoria gets. 

 

Yeah, the dysphoria. He should really tell Lando about that and stop worrying so much about the reasons Lando loves him. He’s been meaning to tell Lando that he isn’t really a boy and that he’s just a fake boy and that Lando is technically in love with just another girl. Just so much has happened he couldn’t really have some time with Lando telling him everything that he needs to know about him. He just wished he didn’t had to tell his boyfriend that he was born a girl and that's why he hasn’t really been that intimate with him, and not just because they’ve been busy. He just wished he was normal is all. 

 

He runs his hands through his hair and lays his head on the dashboard of the falcon and sighs. 

 

“ _Are you thinking about being transgender again_?” Chewie growls. 

 

“Yes, I can’t really help it sometimes. I try though, I do.” Han replies with a sigh. 

 

“ _You should really tell Lando, he wouldn’t care. Just ask L3 about it_.” Chewie replied. 

 

“Do I want to know why L3 would know about that? And yeah I already know that, but it’s just finding the right time to tell him. Everything happens so fast.” 

 

“ _I think you’ll find the time sooner than you’ll think, and you’ll laugh later about how worried you were._ ” 

 

“I get it, you’re right. It’s just I’ve never really had to tell anyone because no one has asked me. You kinda figured it out.” 

 

“ _And I think he’s already figured it out too_.”

 

“Somehow I have a feeling I don’t want to think about that.”  Han quietly drops the subject after that and the Falcon goes back to being quiet. 

 

It’s been a little while since the conversation with Chewie. And Han knows he’s right, but how should he plan something like this? Should it be a date? A meeting? An emergency meeting? Han didn’t have enough time to think about it until the man in question comes through the door and into the cockpit. Lando would have come through without a sound for someone else but Han notices his footsteps. 

 

“Hey, baby, you doing okay?” Lando asks him while walking to the captain seat.

“Yeah, I guess. Just thinking a lot about what happened as of late.” A lie. But didn’t Lando tell him all the rumors he heard about him were true?

“Oh, yeah. I’m really sorry about all that. You deserve better.” Lando says as he lays his head on Han's shoulder. Han probably won’t get over the little moments like this, and he doesn’t think he wants to.

“Um, thanks? I guess.” Han says with a little smile, which Lando can definitely feel without having to look up.

“Hey, I actually came in here to talk to you about something and it doesn’t really involve a walking carpet,” Lando says, of course rferring to Chewie. 

 

_I have something to tell you something, too._

 

“Really?” Han always feels bad when he has to leave Chewie during things, but Chewie always assures him that he’ll be fine on his own flying the Falcon. Han needs to remind himself to ask Chewie how he learned how to fly such a ship. 

 

“Yeah, really. And it kinda has to be right now.” Lando says, lifting his head from Han's shoulder. Giving him a little peak on his left side right between the space between his shoulder and neck. 

 

“Oh, okay...” Han said a little weary.

 

“Chewie, think you can control the Falcon for a bit?” 

 

“ _Better than you can_ ,” Chewie growls. 

 

“Okay, no need to remind me.” Han laughs. He gets out of the seat in a little bit of a clumsy manner, and Lando is of course there to catch him from falling. He’s always good at that sort of thing. He takes Han’s hand and walks him out of the cockpit and walks him to the furthest wall and pushes him against it. 

 

_Oh_ , Han thought. This is why it has to be right now and without Chewie. 

 

Lando puts his hands on top of Han’s hips and starts kissing him knowing he didn’t have to ask Han if it was okay, of course, it was okay. 

 

_I’m glad my hips aren’t as narrow as they were a few years ago. I would h_ ave _to ask Lando to stop right now._

 

Han has been taking Testosterone shots for a little more than 5 years now. He was able to steal some from some medic on Corallia the year before he and Kira tried to leave. Somehow he’s been able to take a shot once a week without it being left behind on some planet or being taken away from some Empire worker. Han manages to stop thinking about that stuff for a little bit to focusing on Lando's lips on his and Landos hand trying to move up his shirt. 

 

Kriff. He thought. And then Lando stops kissing to take a breath. 

 

“We should probably take this to the bed, yeah?” Lando moves his hands around Han's legs to keep him up straight on the wall. 

 

“Oh, yeah. Okay. We should.” Han agrees. 

 

“Are you sure? We don’t have to and you don’t have to say yes just to please me.” Lando says somewhat in a serious tone. 

 

“I’m sure, the most positive,” Han replies, trying to give off the confident smile, but he thinks Lando isn’t playing his game right now. 

 

Lando takes his hand again and walks them towards the double bunk that’s near the cape closet. 

 

“I can see you haven’t moved in yet,” Lando smirked when he noticed all his capes still there. 

 

“Yeah, well, didn’t have that much stuff, to begin with.” Han shrugs. 

 

_Expect for my binder and bottle of testosterone_. 

 

“I’m sure it’s going to look more like you come time, I believe it,” Lando says as they walk closer to the double bunk. Lando gets in first and Han gets in afterward. He can’t lie, he’s starting to breathe harder. And it’s not because of what’s about to happen or because of his binder. 

 

_I’m going to tell him, right here right now_. 

 

Lando doesn’t take any time to get back to what they were doing. Lando places himself on top of Han, puts his hands back on Han's hips and starts kissing him. Lando’s hands quickly move from Han’s hips to anywhere on his chest. He moves his lips onto Han’s neck, clearly trying to leave a mark. Han feels Lando’s hands on his shirt, already successfully taken off his vest without any problems. This is going to be a problem.

 

_This is it. I’m going to tell him_. 

 

“Lando, wait... stop.” Han pushes Lando back a bit so he can have some control of him. 

 

“What, baby, is something wrong?” Han still manages a smile at the nickname. He could never understand Kira when she told him he wasn’t a softy or have any romantic feelings at all. He does, it’s just hard sometimes. 

 

“Um, it depends...” Han knew he was going to be nervous, he just didn’t know how nervous. 

 

“On?” Lando is starting to look confused. 

 

“What I have to tell you. It kinda deals with what we’re trying to do here.” Han says. 

 

“Does it? What? You don’t actually love me?” Lando says, sounding almost as nervous as Han. 

 

“What? I could never stop loving you, Lando... it’s just... I’m not sure you’re going to want to love me after I tell you this.” Han says, almost to himself and to Lando. 

 

“Han, you know that is impossible,” Lando says in a playful tone. 

 

Han just shrugs. He doesn’t know what to say. But, he tries his best to tell his story. 

 

“I was born on a planet called Corellia. I never had any blood family and was taken in by a tribe of Wookiees by the time I was 10. This was right when the Empire started and they weren’t used as slaves yet. With Wookies, they didn’t care about gender like humans do so I was able to be myself and not care about who I am technically. This lasted until I was taken in by the people who control the poor kids on the streets of Corellia. Then I was forced to be who I was born to be, but never felt right to me.” 

 

“What are you trying to tell me, Han?” Lando replies. 

 

“I... wasn’t born a boy. I was born a girl and I’m technically a girl still, but I swear I’ve never felt what people want me to feel.” 

 

“What do you mean you’re a girl still? You look pretty manly to me.” Lando teased. 

 

“I still have breasts. There is a surgery where doctors can take them off, but I could never afford it so I wear this cloth called a binder that makes my chest look flat. I also don’t have boy parts... down there, and I’ve always worried that once we got to this point you’d leave me because I don’t have the right parts.” Han takes a long breath. 

 

“Han, I’m not sure if you’ve caught on or not, but I’ve been pretty lovesick for L3 ever since we met. I don’t care what parts you have or what parts you don’t have, I’m still going to be your boyfriend because I love you for you. Not for what makes you you, okay?” Lando says. 

 

“Okay,” Han replies. He doesn’t really want to be talking right now. 

 

“You don’t sound so assured,” Lando says, worrying. 

 

“It’s just complicated... I guess. But I do know you love me no matter what and I love you no matter what.” 

 

“Good. Now after that, I think we had some plans that didn’t include our clothes?” 

 

“Yeah, something like that,” Han replies with a laugh. 

 

Lando goes back to what they were doing, and quickly taking off Han’s shirt and throwing it over his head and having it land somewhere on the floor. Han wasn’t sure what he was expecting after this part, but Lando takes a minute to really look at him. 

 

“Honestly Han, if you didn’t tell me all that I would be sure that you were born biologically a boy.” 

 

“What, really?” 

 

“Yes. What do you do to look like a boy anyway?” Lando says while moving his hands all over Hans body. Han shivers at the touch. 

 

“Um, I take testosterone shots that I stole off a medic a year before I and Kira tried to leave Corellia. I’ve been taking them once a week ever since.” 

 

“Well, it’s definitely been doing its job,” Lando says with an approving voice. Lando goes and kisses Han right above his collarbone. 

 

“Do you want me to take the binder off or you?” Lando asks while he placed his hands right on the sides of the fabric. 

 

“Uh... yes. I trust you.” Han says without worry. 

 

“I’m glad you do. I know telling people that sort of stuff must be hard, but I know you’re the type of guy to go after things, even when it scares him.” 

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Han replies. 

 

“Even me,” Lando commented. He kisses Han afterward doing his best to distract him from the fabric being taken off. He slowly pushes the fabric off of Han until he throws it to the ground along with Han’s shirt. Lando doesn’t bother looking at what it was covering up because he was too preoccupied with the task at hand until Han stopped him. 

 

“Do you... want to stop?” Lando says breathlessly. 

 

“No... I... I love you.” There it is. 

 

“I love you too,” Lando replies like it was easy for him to say it. 

 

“Now, are you going to let me show you or do I have to start talking?” Lando asks. 

 

“You can show me, I’m done talking for now,” Han says with a laugh. 

 

“Good,” Lando replied with a kiss on Hans lips and hands figuring out where they’re supposed to be. Han breathes for the first time in years, finally feeling like he has let go of the past, at least some of it. He didn’t have to worry after all, but who could blame him though? Lando was just good at everything he did. It kinda goes with the job. 


End file.
